I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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