Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
