if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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