i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
