Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
