Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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