thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
