I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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