Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
