she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
