either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
