Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
