I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
