He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
