Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
