do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
