Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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