I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
