Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
