He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
