BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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