If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
