u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
