sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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