Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
