When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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