dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
soo... how was my night?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
