i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
