You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize