when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
