But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
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