I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize