I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Randomize
