i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just want nice things and good sex
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
