Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
