I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You can't just leave with hair like that
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
