I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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