You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
