Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
