he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
