i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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