i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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