There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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