i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
