Yo dont text me then not text me
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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