3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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