Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
