Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You took a bar mat shot.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
