I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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