who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
