I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
