textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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