just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
