Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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