You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
