I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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