3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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