The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
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He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
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So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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