dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
