New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
