I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
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Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
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Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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