I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
