I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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