It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
