If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
