Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
