i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
