Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
