Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
