I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
