Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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