i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
